He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
