508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
