I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
