So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
