For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
