he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
