Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
