Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
