You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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