it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
