Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
