I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
