Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it glows. i had to have it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
