whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
bring money and cleavage
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
