look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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