Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize