handjob tips. give me some.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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