if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
