So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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