I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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