Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
