Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
