We won't sleep together?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
