ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
