Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
