three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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