well you can't waste a boner
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
