Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
