Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
