you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
