Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
