Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
