I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
