Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
