you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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