the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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