Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
