The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
