She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
