I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize