i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
