Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
