Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
