and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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