Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
