you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
