Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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