sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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