oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Randomize
