I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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