My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
