Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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