It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need a beard to bite.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
