I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He shit in the fireplace
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
