this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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