Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
