You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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