i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
