Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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