yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
