the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
