I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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