is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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