Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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