Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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