Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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