Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
