Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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