This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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