Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
