2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
